Dawn's Notes
Flying On Without Them- December 2015
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
A little over a year ago, one of my younger sisters, Gay Celeste, died at the age of 64 after a battle with cancer. It was hard for us, her siblings, to let her go, but we had no other choice. We do not get to decide when it is time for a loved one to go Home.
When we had our first sibling reunion in Kentucky without her this past year, she was sorely missed. It was during those days together that one of my sisters, Joan, showed us a vase and told us the story about it.
Joan said that our sister Gay had kept the vase with her in her bedroom. Then shortly before she died, when the reality sunk in that she was not going to live, she told my youngest sister Mary Anne, her caregiver, about the vase. But first, I must describe the vase.
The vase was about 4-5 inches tall and about 4 inches in diameter. On the bottom of the vase was the picture of a bird, a crane, in flight. On the side of the vase there were five birds, also matching cranes, flying along together.
My sister Gay told Mary Anne, “The crane on the bottom is Gary.” (Gary is our only brother.) She said that the five birds on the side of the vase were her five sisters who are still alive—Joy, Dawn, Hope, Joan, and Mary Anne. Then she said, “You will have to fly on without me,” profound words that touched our hearts and made us cry. Words that let us know she was thinking about us, even when she was so sick, when she was grieving because she must leave us.
So during our few days together in Kentucky, we did carry on with life. We cooked tasty food, played music, told stories, laughed, even danced. But Gay was not forgotten. My oldest sister Joy set a picture of Gay on her coffee table—the photo was made in 1988; Gay was so pretty!
Mary Anne sent a bouquet of flowers which she picked from my sister Gay’s flower garden at the little house she owned when she was alive. My sisters and I wore hand-strung beads that Gay had made for us before she died. The beads were tangible reminders that she had lived and loved us. No, she was not forgotten; we still had our memories.
After the death of someone we love, special times such as family reunions or the holidays may be more difficult than others. That’s when memories of over loved one may flood our thoughts and sadden our hearts, making us long to be with our loved one.
We may not feel like walking, much less like “flying” as my sister said. But it may be helpful to make a conscious effort to try to still find joy in the moment, even if you celebrate in a different way than in previous years. If someone we love has died, we have no other choice than to keep on living and learn to “fly on without them.” May your memories bring you comfort and healing during this holiday season!
“Even in our unspeakable grief, beautiful things take wing.” - A.R. Torres
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice 709 Liberty Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator