Dawn's Notes
The Good Man Is Gone - May 2019
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
My earliest and only memory of my Papa Rountree is of sitting in his lap when I was a very young child and reaching up to touch his white, stubbly mustache. I remember being intrigued about how it felt to gently touch the underside, and I felt safe in his lap.
My grandpa, John Alexander Rountree, was a gentle-spirited man who died of pneumonia at the age of 72. Right after he died, it was reported that my Grandmother Rountree said, “The good man is gone.”
I still remember her words when I think about Papa. People described Papa as gentle, kind, and good—a beloved man who owned a community grocery store “in the Valley”—Water Valley, Tennessee. His store was in operation during the Depression years.
A few miles down the road, my other grandfather who we called “Pappy” owned another grocery store that set right in the middle of a field in front of my grandparents’ large, rambling, two-story house. Pappy was once beat up and robbed while he was at the store. Times were particularly hard during the Depression.
Both grandfathers sold groceries to customers on credit even when they knew their customers did not have the money to pay their debts. Because of their kind hearts, neither of my grandfathers could bear to see children go hungry when there was food in their stores. They both had difficulty making a living because they were too kind. But can a person really be too kind?
Today, both of those stores are still in Water Valley, closed for many years now. Papa Rountree’s old store still stands in its original place, and Pappy’s has been moved from the field to a permanent home in Water Valley a few yards down the road and across from Papa’s. So when my siblings and I go to Water Valley, we can see their stores that remind us of our family history that included kindness from both sides of the family.
The sentence “The good man is gone” can also apply to those who have made monumental impacts on the lives of others. For example, Mother Teresa impacted the lives of thousands in India—lepers, children, the elderly, the poor, and dying. When she died September 5, 1997, in Calcutta, India, someone probably said, “The good woman is gone.”
On a local level, small acts of kindness count too! For example, a man named Jack continued the tradition of baking and gifting Christmas cookies for seven years after his wife Lulu’s death, using the recipe that he and Lulu had used when she was alive. After Jack’s death about a year and a half ago, his family continued the tradition. They passed along the recipes with plates of cookies to brighten others’ day
One teacher friend of mine started a campaign to raise money so a young boy could be evaluated by doctors at Mayo Clinic. With proper evaluation and treatment, the course of the young boy’s future was changed.
Many husbands and wives become caregivers when their spouse becomes ill. Caregiving takes dedication, kindness, and hard work. But if you give away kindness, it has a way of coming back around in unexpected ways—the boomerang effect.
Even if we never gain notoriety or thank yous for the kind acts we do, doing good for others is also good for us—our reward—even if we are never acknowledged! And all good deeds, large or small, matter.
During the month of May we think of Memorial Day and the memories of those we love. So even if your heart is sad after your loss, try to turn your loss into something that is good for someone else.
Then someday, when it is your time to leave this earth, you will be remembered. And more than likely someone will say, “The good man (or woman) is gone!”
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty, Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator